Note: Reblogged from 10/10/2015

I haven’t talked about this topic much to anyone outside family. It’s been… a little over a month since my Ma was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. A type of blood cancer. It’s been emotionally draining but she remains to be my inspiration to carry on and be strong. Work has kept me rather occupied and busy… and what little mental break I had was spent on someone I didn’t think I would ever be reconnected with. He’s always been timely, I notice. The rest of my free time, I poured towards visiting Ma at the hospital, providing whatever support I can.

When I had offdays, I went to relieve my Pa in the hospital, staying with her at nights. He never wanted to leave her side but we all worried about his own heart condition. On the other hand, we couldn’t leave her unattended. One, she needed the assistance with just about anything she needs to do. She couldn’t eat much due to vomiting and sores in her mouth, and she was too lethargic to transfer herself onto her bedside commode. Although there are nursing attendants present, I know very well how busy their job can be and I definitely understand. Two, she had all kinds of antibiotics, chemo, and other medicine that made her hallucinate when she dozes off. It got so much worse one night post-ICU when they gave her Ambien 10 mg to make her sleep, a double dose from what she initially had at the start of her confinement. She slept alright… just that she would try getting up in her sleep and say the most random things that made me laugh… such when she ordered Angelina Jolie to make her food. Then some which made me cry… such when she couldn’t recognize who I was.  At some point that night she slipped back into reality and found my hand and squeezed it so tight and told me she couldn’t take 2 doses of the medication. Deep within she’s aware, but the side effects were stronger. Her grip loosened and once again the hallucinations took over. I kept holding her and sobbed like a little child kneeling in front of her, head on her lap. I was furious, saddened, and demanding answers as to… why? Why her? Why cancer? She was nothing but a good human being. But it’s okay, I let myself cry because in the morning she won’t remember.

By the end of July, she’s nearly bald but her bone marrow biopsy showed promising signs of new healthy white blood cells. The chemo that they’ve given her through her central line worked but she continued on neutropenic diet and precautions as they monitored her blood and platelet counts closely. Often times, she had to get irradiated transfusions for both. As of a little over a week ago, she got discharged to home. Her neutrophils were elevated enough to fight most infections and everyone agreed that she’ll recover better and faster in home setting. These days, I drive her to her appointments when I’m available. The only concern is if she still needs to have bone marrow transplant. If the referral to see specialists in UC Davis gets approved, they will re-assess her condition and determine whether she needs it or not. Right now, we are thankful that she is back with us.

I will be forever grateful… to our family for being strong, caring, and loving towards one another. To the doctors, nurses, and nursing attendants who worked tirelessly with her and with us. The one time Ma had hemoptysis and SOB episode, she was rushed to the ICU. The nurses as I have witnessed were well trained, well prepared, well organized, and were genuinely concerned even for my Pa who was visibly shaken by the ordeal. Also very thankful for our relatives and family friends who showed their love and support day after day. For their thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes. I can’t thank everyone enough…