LOL.

Ok. So I thought hard on blogging about this experience publicly and well, here it is. One of my most embarrassing moment in my life, that even I find so deym hilarious.

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So every first of every month, I get this renewed sense of committing myself again to running and everything fitness related. Aug 1 today (2014), is not an exception and so last night, I went to neatly gather my running clothing,  re-arranged my playlist, and I was just ready to go! So in quiet celebration, I ate a yogurt and half a small apple I found on the refrigerator, then went to sleep. I woke up and it was a new day! So nice! A new month! Oh yes! I was ready to go go go! So I went about my usual morning routine, used the toilet, and put on my workout garb–a shirt, blue jacket, tights, and black shorts. Then I downed my igniter shot, laced up my Adidas, and I was… ready to go go go!!!

Got my keys, my water, and drove out to the Lagoon. I went to park outside the fence by the side of the park and decided I would run my usual route where there are fewer people. Not that there were a lot of people this morning to begin with. There were a few here and there. Now this road,  is a long reversed L-shaped path with one end leading to a private, gated farm property, and the other end leading back to the side of the park. There are some trees and ditches lining the sides of the road but beyond that is just plain grassy fields going up the hills. I got out of my car, took a deep breath of fresh air, admired my surroundings… the pretty golden hills (dead summer grass, really) and the pretty rising sun hiding behind some thin clouds. I stretched for a few seconds and then I was free!

I started to jog slowly. A quarter-mile in, I was feeling relaxed and half a mile later, I paced myself. Shortly after I upped my tempo, I started to feel some lower abdominal cramping. Bearable but it’s there. Now I have been cramping on the same spot for a few days now and knew my period is due any day. Running usually helps with the cramping and I’ve done it plenty of times before. However, as I reached the gate at the other end, the pain intensified and going back this path seems like an impossible feat. Still, I toughed it out and managed to jog a couple of distance away from the gate. I reduced to walking and stopped by a shaded spot on the side of the road. The pain was unbearable that it brought me to one knee.. both knees… and then finally, I was on my ass. I sat there for a few moments, trying to tough out the pain and hoping it would subside. It didn’t. Quite the opposite in fact. For a few seconds I was in a panic. But I just got out of nursing school damn it. Keep calm and focus Lei!  I tried to stand and take a couple of steps. A gush of regret followed.  %@&^ you pain!! I sat back down, took a couple of deep breaths and lay down. Yes, I lay down on the side of the road and looked up towards the sky. This stabbing pain! I heard a car went past me and it came from the private property. I made a movement and fumbled for my phone. I didn’t signal for it to stop, so it just went straight and turned the corner. Jerk. I understand the risk they might be feeling but that person was still a jerk in my book. I remembered thinking of the show… What Would You Do? I felt like I was in the show, pretending to be in pain, and some person just ignored me. Only I wasn’t pretending gut deym it and I really was in ^#&$* pain!!! But it’s ok… calm down. Everything will be alright! I made calls to my fam and well, to further my luck… no one was answering! I started to feel a lil panicky again and thought of the possibility that I might have an ulcer or my appendix ruptured… but that can’t be. The pain was all too familiar somehow. Again, I made another call and hallelujah! “Hi mom, it’s me… I’matthepark, sideoftheroad, can’t.go.any.further, hurrrrrrrrrting.. blah blah blahhh”. Panicky mom called back. “Your bro and dad are on their way, I sent my robe and a bottle of tea tree oil!!” She’s so into a variety of healing oils at the moment. “Thanks ma, I’ll wait here”.

Only I couldn’t wait. At this point, the pain continued to intensify in just seconds and every time I try moving my head, I see a freaking black vignette starting to form around my vision. Ohhh heiiillll NO! I know this… damn it. This can’t be serious like ulcerated intestines or stomach… but it will be if I try to hold it in!!! But I used the toilet this morningggg!!! I felt defeated… why must I suffer like this? NO! I CAN’T! What if someone found me here unconscious and… and… covered in my own sh*t!?!? OH HEIILL NO, I REFUSE!! *Nursing mode, activate!* I knew what needs to be done to rid me of this pain. I had no choice! It was either turn up the courage, or make it to the 5 o’clock news. GOOD GRIEF! I’M DOING IT!

I was severely paranoid. I kept looking at both ends of the road. It’s unlikely someone will come out of that gate anytime soon. Turned the other way. That… I am unsure. What if a jogger or biker make a turn? They’ll easily spot me, even down that shallow ditch. Hmm. MORE PAIN. FUDGE! It’s now or never! Mind over matter!! Looked around… Oh heiilll no… not my jacket, I’m cold!! Then I remembered my extra layer of short over my tights. A gush of happiness. You lifesaver! I proceeded to strip it off me as quickly as I can, turned it inside out, and made my way carefully down the shallow ditch.  I looked left to right one more time. Still no one in sight. I couldn’t believe it but my mind was all made up. This is crazy but… I pulled my tights down, squatted like a pro, and let it go in one swift release. Didn’t smell a thing. It was a bit windy lmao. Shorts in hand, I wiped as quickly and as cleanly as I can then left it to cover the newly formed mountain. The cows over the distance would be so proud!
 
I slowly picked up my phone and headphone from the side of the road and walked a couple of feet forward. I felt weak so I decided to sit down again and away from my sh*t lol. I just looked ahead and relaxed myself. The sharp, stabbing pain was gone and I just looked ahead. Inside, I couldn’t believe what just happened lol. I shook my head and was laughing on the inside… really cracking myself upon realizing what I just did. It was for the first time, on the side of the road with barely anything around to hide myself, haha. I began to stand up, and walk. I felt discomfort but definitely not hurting anymore. My phone rang and answered my dad. “I’m walking back to the car now.” He said they’re waiting there. I made the turn and halfway through that segment of the road I spotted a lady walking her dog, going opposite my direction. LOL. Imagine if I debated longer whether to do a number two or not. I can’t. That would have been catastrophic! She would be on that 5 o’clock news being interviewed. “Later at 5, we interviewed a woman who spotted an unconscious female jogger on the side of the road who also appeared to have defecated all over herself. More on that, at 5.” Bloody hell.
 
So! Did I tell my family? They were worried and so I told them. It pretty much cracked everyone up hahaha.  I can’t help but crack up too when I retell it. So silly and freaking disgusting in so many levels but well, it’s that or the 5 o’clock news LOL